Reflections

Right now, I feel that I’m at a crossroads, perhaps a fork in the road, or even a simple dead end. This blog has been around since early 2006 and I’ve been a part of on-line fandom in one way or another since the late 1990s. But I’m worn out and questioning whether or not to continue.

 

First, let me say, this is not a post to say I’m shutting this blog down or that I’m quitting reviewing. I don’t plan to do either, but I am considering both options. This is not a post where I’m seeking attention and an ego massage from those saying how great I am and that I should stay around – frankly, I doubt many would notice if I closed shop (hell, it’s been 2 months since I posted my last review). From the beginning I’ve simply blogged what I feel like blogging about, and today it’s my mid-blog crisis.

 

I won’t belabor how busy my life is with work, family, social, and other commitments. How I simply don’t have the time and energy for perusing much outside of the immediate. Though to be entirely frank, watching my son play t-ball is simply way more appealing and way more important in my life. But it’s more than that.

 

Others have blogged lately about the evolution of blogging and reviewing and where it’s been and where it’s come to. Again, I can’t be bothered to link those right now, but Tobias Buckell and Larry Nolen are two come to mind, not that I’ve had time to read either (bets on me eventually linking them anyway?). The main thing is that blogging has begun to affect my reading in what I consider a negative way. In the past blogging has been a very positive influence – it’s made me a much more critical and informed reader and it’s lead me to books that I likely wouldn’t have found otherwise. But now it leads me away from the books I want to read.

 

Blogging, or at least the clique (or tribe) of bloggers that I’m generally apart of, has become a bit too insular in many ways. Everyone seemingly reads the same stuff. A book comes along, I’m excited and think it’ll be great – but then I see that 4 other bloggers read it before I did and have already reviewed it. Suddenly, I’m not as interested – simply because the book has gotten quite a bit of coverage and I don’t want to just blog about the same thing as everyone else. No longer am I choosing books because I want to read them, but because of how much coverage other bloggers are giving them.

 

I can’t keep up with bloggers that have the time and energy to read and review way more than I do. Much less keep ahead of them. And what’s worse, I hate that I’ve come to think in that way.

 

This is not what I read for and it’s draining the energy out of me. I’m tired of it and fuck it, I’m not going to read that way anymore.

 

Reviewing is the same way. Search out the oldest review on this site, then read the last one I published. In my mind the contrast is striking. I’ve come a long way. My standards have as well. If I write a review I need to put a lot of thought into, and make it a ‘proper’ review (though I’ve always defined proper in my own way). Long gone are the days of simply saying what I feel about a book. I’m not sure yet, but I think I’m done with that as well. While I think I’ll always write occasional long, in-depth reviews, right now I’m just interested in less than 400 words about what I think. Gone will be in-depth explanations, clever openings and closings, plot summary, etc.

 

What now? Hell, I don’t know. For a while anyway I doubt I’ll post anymore than once or twice a month. I don’t know how many of those will be reviews, mini-reviews or whatever. I think there will be fairly regular and long periods where I’m generally absent. And those may be punctuated by periods where I do 4 or 5 posts in a week. We’ll see.

 

But for now, I’ve got a t-ball game to go to.