Friday, October 09, 2009

The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson (My Extra Special Review)*

As you can gather by reading the 40+ reviews on, The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson has evoked an incredibly wide range of reactions, nearly all of which are outstandingly positive. Well, it’s time for me to add my voice to those, only I need step it up a few orders of magnitude. Simply said, this is the best book that has ever been written in the history of humanity. And it’s not even debatable. AND, not only is the book so great, but it comes with an astounding array of fringe benefits.

Before I get into why the book is so awesome that words cannot contain the awesomeness, I must explain some of the extra benefits the book bestows. So, let me count the ways my life has improved from reading The Way of Kings.
  1. I lost 25 pounds by reading this book – this is the best diet plan you can possibly buy!
  2. I no longer need blood pressure medication (and it lowered my cholesterol too!)!
  3. My penis is now 12 inches longer, no condom can contain me now!
  4. My wife immaculately conceived!
  5. It cured my baldness!
  6. My erection can last over 4 hours I don’t need to call a doctor!
  7. A brand new Mercedes Benz showed up at my house in appreciation of reading the book!
  8. This book did my taxes! (and I got a great refund!)
  9. I’ve discovered the cure for cancer (and global warming)!
  10. I’m pretty sure this book is the actual reason Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize!
I could literally go on and on, but I’m running out of time and I don’t want people to think that I’m making this stuff up. So, everyone simply must buy and read this book – it will change their lives forever and make the world a better place! So, what are you waiting for…. 100.25/10

*Of course this all completely bullshit, but due to some asinine regulation I must state the obvious anyway. Hell, this book doesn’t even exist yet, so clearly it wasn’t provided by the publisher, though I do hope they will provide the book when it does exist, because I’m all about the quid pro quo and I am clearly on the forefront of a brilliant viral marketing campaign.


Alec said...

Internet abbreviations do not contain the words to describe how hard that just made me laugh. Nice way to put a spin on all the ftc hype lately.

The Mad Hatter said...

Very nice! Well done sir. I tip my hat to you.

Linda said...

That was a very funny and sarcastic read!! But pertinent.

BTW, Ken are you the Ken F that's a storm leader at the Arizona TGS signing?

Neth said...


Yep, that's me. I'll be there and I'm very excited (I only just saw the email a couple of minutes ago).

Linda said...

:D I guess I'm quick on the draw!

Salty is a Storm Leader too, in NY.

Neth said...

yep, and TMJ made it for Lexington.

ed ahrdy shirt said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Renai said...

Lol ... hilarious :) Where did all the great Amazon reviews come from?

Keeping the Door

Neth said...

Wow, the spammers have hit this post much more than usual.

Anyway, I'm glad you all liked it. Once I thought of it, I couldn't let it go.

@Renai - For whatever reason, Amazon put up a page for Way of the Kings a few years ago, well before there was any real chance of it being actually published any time soon. When he noticed this, he challenged his readers to come up with some 'good' reviews for this novel that didn't exist.

Neth said...

* he being Brandon Sanderson


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