Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Zombie Log – Day 1

6:40 am – I decided to bike to work today in spite of the extreme heat. Lots of helicopters in the air, must be a bad traffic day – yeah me for biking.

7:00 am – NPR is telling me that there is a plague of zombies taking over the world (checks, no it’s not April 1). This sucks, but at least I won’t have to finish that damn report that’s due next week. Of course I chose to bike today – getting out of town is going to be a bitch.

8:00 am – Home now, it looks like some zombies trashed the car, damn! Reports are that the university was overrun…sounds like my wife is a zombie now. The cell phone isn’t working – maybe the first good news today.

8:30 am – I biked to Wal-Mart, I may hate the store, but there isn’t an easier place get a shotgun that I know of. On the way I saw the weirdest thing – a young (and apparently enterprising) zombie was selling water and other supplies on the side of the street. He offered me lemonade, I passed.

8:45 am – I stole a truck and bunch of gas – Wal-Mart was pretty well trashed, but I got what I needed. Zombies are everywhere, but I think they don’t like the heat…first time in my adult life I could truly say I wish I had a flame thrower.

9:30 am – Went to university anyway, it seems that the geology department put a hell of fight. Wife not a zombie – but she is in a terrible mood. I checked my blog – yes I’m addicted. The guys over in Australia are holding out well, and following all the happenings.

10:00 am – Zombie speed bumps!

11:00 am – Fortify Josh’s house since it’s pretty nice and where we keep the homebrew (we sacked Trader Joes on the way).

2:00 pm – Apparently when it gets over 105 degrees zombies tend to spontaneously combust. Summer in Phoenix is good for something.

4:00 pm – Burning zombie flesh smells really bad – maybe spontaneous zombie combustion isn’t as cool as we first thought.

4:30 pm – Heard a report that zombie Dick Cheney has taken over the military and is invading countries to corner the market in brains…typical.

6:00 pm – Homebrew is running low, we are considering suicide run to empty out the brew supply store.

8:00 pm – We emptied the homebrew store and found more guns – tonight’s going to be a hell of brew party. It’s cooler now – zombies are back out. Zombie speed bump is just as fun now as it was this morning. NPR is off the air, but conservative talk shows still going strong – typical (one has zombie Cheney lined up for an interview at 9:00…I’ll pass). It seems that there’s a call for a new organization intent on keeping Mexican zombies out of the country – unbelievable.

9:30 pm – Bruce Campbell movies are funnier than ever!

10:30 pm – Josh prefers the Belgian Abbey while shooting zombies, I stand by my British IPA. Mike and Chris are adding the aroma hops to Zombie Ale (no fooling around with this one – it’s an Imperial Stout). The wife doesn’t think much of our conversations.

11:45 pm – It turns out that zombie plagues aren’t so bad, I haven’t had this much fun in ages. Later we’re going out for drunken zombie speed bumps – Chris gets to drive first. I’m riding shotgun.


Anonymous said...

Listen man - get all the food, water, and if you can't get a damn gun a small pick axe might do (you bash them in the brains with it) and hole up somewhere. They will rot, but it takes time. Only the recently deceased can ambulate. Good luck. My parents saw this kinda thing back in the sixties here in Western Pennsylvania. We can beat them - I heard on short wave there's already hunting parties out around here taking out these chowder heads. Hope where you're at allows red necks to own guns.

Carl V. Anderson said...

Very fun!!! I especially like the Bruce Campbell line.

Neth said...

Ha! Claims are coming in that we are a Balinese front deliberatley passing false info about the zombie threat - it's amazing what the conspiracty nuts come up with. I don't even know that Bali is Indonesia.

The spontaneous combustion thing is absolutely real (and messy). It might not just be extreme temperature - hell it could be some weird affect of Valley Fever on zombies.

Unknown said...

:) Zombie Dick Cheney! (This is real, isn't it.)

Neth said...

Everyone knows Cheney is a zombie - in fact the entire global uprising is probably his doing...I'll have to think on that.

Demosthenes said...

No, Cheney isn't a zombie, or at least wasn't when this Balinese disinformation campaign began.

He is, however, a lousy shot.

But seriously, why are you trying to mislead these people? You're going to get them killed, for God's sake! I realize you're doing it for the Greater Good of the Mighty Island of Bali, but it's just not worth it!

Neth said...

No, Cheney's been a zombie for a long time - I've come believe he's the source of the entire plague.

Unknown said...

Cheney's a zombie. No doubt.



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